


Valentine's Day Riot and Cake

by Sociopathbrony



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: Beefcake, Cheesecake, Valentine's Day Riot, literal cake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 04:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16360859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sociopathbrony/pseuds/Sociopathbrony
Summary: Some guidlines to a competition are hilariously misunderstood and the jägers who know are having too much fun to tell the others or let anybody else tell them. The good people of Mechankcsburg are just confused as to why the jägers need all these cake ingredients for but, them being jägers, decide it's best no to ask.





	Valentine's Day Riot and Cake

**Author's Note:**

> Last day! Beef, cheese and literal cake. Why did i even both with a list of what cakes the jägers made and if they knew how. Because this has been possibly the funnest prompt.

The town was in chaos. The good kind of chaos. The ruling Heterodyne’s son was throwing a Valentine’s Day competition for the town, for the fun of it. And anyone who wished to participate was in a frzy to get ready, including some seemingly well informed jägers.

“Hy needs 19 pounds ov beef please.” Mir stood in one of the shops belonging to the Butchers guild. The man behind the counter eyed him with a mix of interest, confusion and perhaps a dash of fear.

“Okay, one moment.” it took awhile to get the order together. Maybe it was for a meal, but not for all the jäger cause then it would be too little, at they should’ve learned from last time to call ahead when they try o place an order like that. Maybe it was best not to question it, jägers did some weird stuff. “Ok, here you go.” He lugged the up on the counter with some struggle, the jäger payed and effortlessly grabbed the bag then walked out the door. He probably didn't want to know.

Mir headed back to the jäger hall with all the ingredients some of the few participating jägers had asked for. There weren't many entering but only 19 hadneeded ingredients, he had no idea how the others would finish their cakes for the competition with out but that was their problem. “Hym back! So who gots vhat?” a swarm of jägers surrounded him as they foraged their food stuffs from the bags. Most of the beef went to Vodea and most of the cheese and second most Beef went to Fafsa. Once they all dispersed to their different cooking places, Mir made his way around along with some other jägers to see what different cakes each were making. 

“Zo vhat is dis vun?” 

“Iz cheese cake.”

“It chust looks like cake vit cheese cubes in it.

“Yez, dot iz cheese cake.”

Some of the jäger were fuzzy on what different cakes were. All the jäger making cake were fuzzy on the competition in general.

“Dot isn’t cheese cake hy tink.”

“It doesn't matter dot it doesn't mek sense. De poster didn't eidder, hy mean, vhat vas dose pretty people vit little on effen doink on dere? Vhere vas de cake?”

“Dat iz a goot point” Mir dropped the argument and continued on. Vodea was apparently completely unaware of the cake making process and was just frosting his steak with buttercream icing. Mir didn't stop to question him, nor at Fafsa who he saw cutting up her cheese and beef and squishing them into a cake pan. At least the other contestants were making cake. Gkika walked into the jäger hall at the smell of cake and grinned. 

“Vot iz dis all about?” She directed Mir.

“Is for de competition. Is hyu enterink?”

“Vhat? Ho dats hilarious.”

Dimo who was circling the bakers came over to join the conversation.

“Vhat is?”

“De cakes, for de competition.” she was full on laughing.

“So is hyu enterink a cake to?”

“Ho…” she gave leering grin. “Hy iz enterink bot deres not gonna be any cake.”

“Ho, dats going to be delicious” Dimo added in, licking over his sharp teeth. Gkika smacked him upside the head for that.

“Hyu behave hyur self or hyu iz gettink hyur eyes dug out vit mine nails”

“Is true, she vill do dat.” Mir jumped back in, completely oblivious to the underlying tones. “Und hym sure if hy made cake, it vould be delicious, Gkika.” the smile he gave automatically calmed the mood, although Dimo still grumbled off, rubbing the back of his head.

“Vhy thenk hyu Mir.” she proudly strode off to find the best outfit for the competition. When Lilya walked in with a mildly disgruntled Barsin and a strangely chipper Greta, he walked over to ask the problem, over hearing Lilya harshly whisper to Barsin.

“Hy dun care vhat de compyetition iz for, hyu iz not tellink or hy…”

Greta came up on Barsin’s other side. “Hym fith her, dis is fon.”

“Hy enjoying de competition so far?” Mir inquired.

“Ho, ta! Fe is very excited about de cake.” Greta butted in. Her hair bounced as she did. “ _ All _ de kinds of cake.” 

“Hy looked around, der iz mebbe some hyu vant to avoid like de sharp chedder cheese cake. Or de frosted beef unless hyu like de sveet und savory.”

“Ho, hy might.” she rubbed her hands together and Lilya roĺed her eyes before lingering back on Greta. 

“Hy tink hy vill look at de entries mineself now, da? Iz sure to be amusink.”

“Eet better be.” Barsin added but it was much less disappointed sounding than earlier. He even gave a smile too. 

“Ho efferyone has smile today is vuderful!” Mir headed out of the hall to look around the town at the other entries perhaps. He ran into someone from the bakers guild and figured, they'd probably be the best people to enter.

“Ho! Meesus Dullahan, iz hyu entering de competition.”

She blushed as red as the blood stains that managed to appear about the town from gifted hearts on this holiday. “By gott, no! Hy have mine cheeldrun to think about!” she turned very dingitly and continued walking. 

“Haff a goot day Meesus Dullahan!” he offered as a last attempt to cheer her up. He shrugged and continued on. A group of jägers, as were commonly dispersed throughout Mechanicsburg nowadays, stood laughing in a triangle, there was only three, and that's almost all they did. “Ho gott, no, itz- ho man, it vill be zo fun to see der faces.” 

Who knows what that was about.

 

The next day it came time for the competition. A stand had been set up, but strangely no booths for the cakes. They assumed that maybe they brought the cakes on stage one by one? And everyone backstage was pretty poorly dressed for the weather but that was their own fault. Only a few others backstage who weren't jägers seemed to be competing also, and were equally confused by the poordress and lack of cake. First called on stage was Renault who had made a red velvet cake that looked like beef and had raspberry sauce inside that spilled out like blood when cut.

The young Heterodyne looked confused at first, shrugged and took the proffered fork and had a bite. Renault was hopeful and beaming, in the well concealed way he does as he was shooed off stage, leaving his cake behind with the Heterodyne who insisted on keeping it. Next up was Denzininski, who already wore very little due to his fur somehow managed less, he walked in stage in his usual v curve corset but missing his shirt, or pants, and thin flowing under pants were the only thing between the audience's gaze and his underwear. He struck a pose and a cake carrying contestant turned to one poorly dressed for the weather. 

“Vot exactly Iz supposed to be meant by de cheese beef cakes?” Jemand, one who had done a Mechanicsburg snail spin on the traditional cheesecake, asked quietly.

“You know, sexy, pretty girls and guys. I also had a question, why the cake? There's a lot of it here given-”

The metal circle plate he held with the cake fell straight to the ground in a crash. 

“Oh no! And it looked delicious! You think it's still good?” the apparently properly dressed person bent down to investigate if the sweet snail delight could be saved.

“Ho come on! Vhy vould nobody say it vasn't a cake competition?!”

This resulted in all the other cake carrying contestants to look around and ask worriedly, all the hard work of having to get someone to draw the cake recipes in pictures, the work of getting ingredients, the work of yesterday afternoon’s trial and error of making cake, the effort put in by those who hadn't known a thing about cake to those who took the competition as a challenge to make the best cake in their lives. There was no doubt a riot would start, but the young Heterodyne hurried down the steps and commanded them to stop and it immediately went dead silent.

“In light of the miscommunication, and because you worked very hard, and because I'm sure some of you, i mean of your, cakes are delicious, literal cakes are permitted to compete!” 

Everyone shrugged. Sure, the criteria of judging would make no sense but why not, plus it's not like they could argue with a Heterodyne.

That view changed as soon as Cünczil was named winner for the cheesecake category for his snail cheese cake, which would have surely been second to Cambroshk’s had he not dropped his on the floor.

The contestants of the cheesecake category, for what the competition was supposed to be, ended up chasing the young Heterodyne down and demanding a rerun late into the night while his father thought it a good lesson on stamina and stealth. The castle didn't help as it tried to get the crowd closer whenever it could, if only to avoid the threat of structural damage, proven multiple times to not be a bluff, and for the sake of the line of course.

Thus it was, the Valentine's Day riot.

**Author's Note:**

> So as a side note, cause i don't know how to do the instory links,
> 
> Dimo and Gkika. They might be acting a bit differant in this because alas,  
> Dimo is right around brand new and a young jäger, unaware of Gkika's place and well earned authority amoungst the jägers. And perhaps still pretty energized from the draught.  
> And I just thought young Gkika would probably do this sort of competition.  
> In my mind, this is set, maybe 200 years prior to agatha, so 1600s or so assuming she's 1800s and very shortly before Gkika becoms a General cause again, in my mind, she is one of the generals who has as of yet the least experiance, but, it's Gkika, so she rocks it.


End file.
